I was watering flowers in my yard when my neighbor stopped by.

“Nice flowers,” she said, sadly.

“Everything okay?” I asked.

“You know, I wanted to have grandkids by the time I turned 45,” she sighed. “But that didn’t happen.

“I’m confused,” I said, “Didn’t you show me pictures last week of you and your grandkids on vacation?”

“You’re right. Now that I’m over 55, I have grandkids. But they’re still just babies.”

“Are they okay? Did something happen to them?”

“No. They’re fine. The problem is I wanted to have great grandkids before I turn 60. The way it’s going I’ll be lucky if I have any by my 80th birthday.”

With that, she turned and walked away.

What can you learn from this?

You can’t always have what you want when you want it.

There are 5 important takeaways for you about interpersonal relationships that will help you with family and friends and at work.

1. Instant gratification doesn’t last much longer than an instant.
2. If we want our kids to become independent, we have to let them be independent.
3. People make their own choices. We don’t control them.
4. Learn to enjoy what you have before you look for more.
5. There are a lot of ways to look at the same situation.

All the best,
BJ

The other day my neighbor complained to me that her mother called her at work and asked her to drop off some Band Aids on her way home.

“Was she bleeding?” I asked.

Shaking her head my neighbor said, “Just her way of getting me to stop by to see her. She’s stuck at home taking care of Dad who had back surgery. I’m working 12 hours a day and she wants me to drop everything. She could’ve called one of her neighbors. But she called me instead!”

“Don’t you want to check up on your dad?” I asked.

“I would if my mom wasn’t such a control freak. I used to see her every day when we worked in the same office. Now that I work some place else, I can’t be with her as much as she wants. If I stop by for a few minutes, she finds an excuse to get me to stay longer. So now I don’t bother at all.”

Later that afternoon, my cousin complained to me that her mother is moving to Florida.

“I don’t know what I’ll do with her so far away,” my niece said. “She’s so much fun to be with! We get together a few times a week.”

What can you learn from this?

You can’t always have what you want.

There are 6 important takeaways for you to learn about interpersonal relationships that will help you with family and friends and at work.

1. Change isn’t easy to accept.
2. When we raise our kids to become independent, we have to let them be independent.
3. We have to understand that other people have their own boundaries and their own lives.
4. Not everyone does things the way you want or even what you want.
5. There are a lot of ways to look at the same situation.
6. Family and friends are part of who you are. Life is too short to lose the connection.

All the best,
BJ

P.S. I help parents who want to have enviable relationships with their adult children.

P.P.S. I help small businesses that want to have enviable relationships with their employees and among their employees.

P.P.P.S. Please send me your input concerning the 2 mother/daughter situations mentioned above.

Last summer our sons and their families (4 adults and 13 kids) vacationed together on the other side of the world.

Our older son lives on the other side of the world so for him this meant a taxi ride of only a few hours to get to the resort.

For our younger son, who lives in the States, this meant a very long airplane ride followed by several long hours in a taxi.

My husband and I were so thrilled that our sons and their families had such a great time together that we let them convince us to join them this year

Last year they stayed at the resort for an entire week so I assumed that would be the plan this year.

Last week Chaim, our younger son, called us complaining about his older brother, “If Zalman’s not going to stay the whole week, why should we bother going at all?”

This was supposed to be a fun time for all of us. I didn’t want to be dragged into an argument.

“I hope you don’t feel we’re forcing you into this,” I said.

“You’re not,” Chaim said.

“The last time I checked you told me you had such a good time that you couldn’t wait to go back again. Right?”

“That’s true.”

“Zalman has his family and you have yours. They decide how to spend their time without asking us just like you do.”

“I guess you’re right,” he said, sounding as if he understood.

Later that day, I remembered a conversation I had with Zalman when he and Chaim were planning last summer’s vacation. I recalled Zalman telling me that he and his family probably weren’t going to stay for the whole week, but as it turned out, they changed their minds and did stay the entire time.

What can you learn from this?

I could have wasted my time arguing with either or both of my sons but past experience convinced me not to bother.

There are 6 important takeaways for you to learn about interpersonal relationships that will help you with family and friends and at work.

1. You need to pick your battles.
2. Not everyone does things the way you want.
3. Don’t get stuck in the middle. You won’t win.
4. Don’t get stuck in a rut. Why not try a new approach to a situation?
5. Instead of always doing thigs the same way, why not try something new.
6. Family and friends are part of who you are. Life is too short to lose the connection.

Only my very best,

BJ

I wasn’t surprised when our younger son and his family brought a lot of outdoor clothing with them when they recently visited us. It’s winter, the time of year for warm coats, hats, gloves and boots.

What did surprise me was that they left it all in a heap on the floor directly in front of the coat closet and the coat rack where my husband and I store our winter stuff.

I might not have minded if it weren’t for the fact that to get to my workspace I had to climb over the mini mountain of their stuff.

Maybe I should have said something as soon as they started dropping their stuff on the floor.

But instead of making a big deal of it, as I often did when our sons were young, I tried to be easy-going and just tried to clear a pathway for myself.

Too bad that wasn’t even remotely possible.

So I decided to clear my husband’s and my stuff off the coat rack and hang it in the closet to make room on the coat rack for the mini mountain of stuff on the floor.

When my husband saw what I was doing he told me he’d take care of it.

In the past, he might have ordered our son to put away his stuff. This time, he tried a different approach and it worked.

“It would make Mom really happy,” my husband said pleasantly to our son, “ If you would take all the stuff you dumped on the floor and put it in the big rolling duffle bag you left pinned underneath it.”

Without complaint, our son did as he was asked.

But the overstuffed duffle bag now blocked my way. So I tried to roll it to one side.

“Please leave it, Mom. I’ll take care of it,” our son told me and went on to put everything away.

What can you learn from this?

Sometimes it’s a worth trying a new approach to a situation.

There are 6 important takeaways for you to learn about interpersonal relationships that will help you with family and friends and at work.

1. You need to pick your battles.
2. Not everyone does things the way you want.
3. If you change your attitude, others may change theirs for the better.
4. Don’t get stuck in a rut. Why not try a new approach to a situation?
5. Instead of always doing things the same way, why not try something new.
6. Family and friends are part of who you are. Life is too short to lose the connection.

Only my very best,

BJ

P.S. Please let me know if you’ve ever been in a similiar situation. I’d love to know how you handled it. Send me an email at bjrosenfeld@gmail.com.
Subject: Similar situation

PPS. Want less stress in your life? Send me an email at bjrosenfeld@gmail.com. Subject: Less stress